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People thrive when they belong to a community. The importance of community cannot be over-rated or over looked. In many religious traditions, miracles are understood to be those things that restore a person, previously denied community for some reason, to their community. For instance, in the Jewish tradition, Jeremiah's work of prophecy was considered so important that he was not to take part in the seasonal celebrations of his community. He complained bitterly. People do better when they are seen as a member of a group.
One of the most important things that weddings do is build community among the people wedding guests. This starts in the wedding ceremony and builds through the reception. These are the people you know and love the best. You've got to break up the natural cliques so that these things can happen:
You want your guests to get to know one another. They have heard about each other since the two of you met. This is their chance to put face to story. "Oh, you're the one, who," should be heard often at weddings.
You want them to make connections. This will be one of the few times that you get everyone together. You want to make people curious about one another. You also want to sate their curiosity. This is the chance you've wanted to introduce your Aunt Edna to your partner's cousin Nick, both of whom study frogs. The more cross-pollinating you can do with groups, the stronger your marriage will be. Ideally, you want to create a group that pushes you to gather everyone together. You want to hear "when's the next party?"
You want them to enjoy the family. Since we no longer live next door and we can't always make the family reunions, weddings are a great opportunity for everyone in the family to see one another and to catch up on what's happened since the last occasion. It's so important to have public occasions so the cousins can meet and add another level of stories to the family history.
You want them to enjoy one another. You want to have fun things to do at the party that keep people playing together and looking for ways to engage their neighbors. Play games, pit one table or family against another, get people involved and talking.
All of these things will create great support for you and your wedding vows, which is what you want. It will also enrich the community. In turn, that creates a richer life for you!
What resources will you use?
What will you spend? Again, you want to pay very close attention to your budget. But you want to examine the budget to make sure the categories reflect the work you want to do, rather than the things that typically happen at a wedding. If you're paying attention, you'll be lowering costs because you're not spending on the extras, you're spending on the essentials.
What will you invest? You need to consider how you're going to create a gathering that's about the community and not about the show. You're going to want to spend time with all your guests. You may find a reception line is a great idea.
What skills do you need? Friendliness, openness about your dreams for the future, excitement about your community's presence, excitement about who your community is, and some knowledge of how to help people mingle. It's an art. You can learn it!
What will you get? A group of people that enjoy themselves and one another. A group who wishes to support your marriage and get together for another outing.
What's that worth? More support and celebration than you can handle.
What happens then? Your community becomes aware of itself as a community. You can participate in making your community, bigger, better and more supportive.
Do what's right for you, in every way, use your great wedding ceremony, wedding vows and wedding reception to start to build community, and have a wonderful marriage!Â
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